Friday, July 8, 2011

The Ebonic Plague

I'm sure many of you will have heard of the Bubonic Plague, or the Black Death that tore through Europe in the 14th century. The Bubonic Plague killed roughly 75 million people, an estimated 30-60% of the worlds population at the time.

The disease was ravaging, killing two-thirds of the infected people within four meager days.

No disease known to man has ever taken out so much of a single population before.

Until now.

This new plague, The Ebonic Plague, has claimed a seemingly endless number of souls with more being infected every day. This new plague, only recently described by scientists and sociologists as the downfall of society, has by far surpassed epidemic proportions. Yet, you've probably never heard of it.

The prognosis of those infected with The Ebonic Plague is not good. Although not commonly fatal, The Ebonic Plague seems to infect the nervous system, which in turn debilitates speech, the ability to socialize, and somehow the infection causes the host to attempt to rationalize their actions while under the curse of The Ebonic Plague as "Cultural difference." which is clearly a misguided attempt by the virus to disguise its malice effects on society.

You may not have heard about it, but believe me, it's out there! Chances are you know several people infected by it. Please, take a minute to study the symptoms so you can protect yourself from this horrific pestilence:

  • Early symptoms include an unwillingness by those infected to use vowels whilst writing. This 'short hand' is the beginning of the end.
  • Soon, some words will be shortened into single letters, or completely misguided combinations of letters that somehow seem easier to write than a word only one, or two letters longer.
  • Next, words will be confused with numbers, punctuation will go wayside, words that sound similar, but are completely different will be forgotten and misused, and spelling may, or may not be reverted back to a five year old level.
  • Once this happens, speech laziness and inaccuracies are imminent. Certain sounds will be apparently impossible to say. Words will be combined where conventionally they were not, such as 'going to' evolves into 'gonna'.
  • Those severely infected may be commonly misunderstood, and may have a difficult time enunciating their preferences.
  • The most severe cases can result in physical laziness, and a sense of entitlement. Somehow the virus twists the infected persons brain to rationalize any well intentioned, or misguided attempt to intervene with the downward spiral of the infecteds intelligence.

The Ebonic Plague is not a specialist disease. It can infect anybody, and seems to have the potential to infect everybody. Please, be on guard for this pestilence. It is everywhere from small farming communities to booming metropolises. You can protect yourself from this virus by simply educating yourself as to the ways of the English Language. Take pride in your appearance and show people that you are educated.

Besides, is it really that difficult, or time consuming to type a 'y-o' in front of a 'u', or a 'u-r' after a 'yo'?

As stated from

Ebonics: A poor excuse for a failure to grasp the basics of english. When in doubt, throw an "izzle" sound in the middle of any word of just string random thoughts together and insinuate that they actually mean something.

Ebonics: "Yo G, you frontin me?"
English: "Excuse me, my peer, are you attempting to influence me to engage in a violent action with you?"

Ebonics: "You gots to git those Benjamins so you cin git dat bling-bling fo yo ride"
English: "You need to get money so that you can get expensive accessories for your car."

Jive/Ebonics: "Sheeeeiit, foo, I'z be doin' dat shit an' shorty be axin me fo' sum' scrilla."
English: Shit, friend, I am doing that stuff, and my girlfriend is asking me for some money.

Ebonics "My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, they're like, it's better than yours, damn right its better than your, i could teach you, but I'd have to charge.

English "My frozen dairy treat brings all the male gender to the grassy area in the front of my residence. They say it is superior to yours. Yes, they are correct, it is far superior than yours. I could pass along this knowledge, but there would be a fee.

Standard English Example:
Question: What do you need to do?
Answer: I need to take the time, to gather the information, and then double check it, to see if I am correct in my facts; Then I have to package it and take it to the Post Office, so that I can get it insured, to make sure I don't lose my valuable work.

Ebonics Example:
Question: What cha' gawn do?
Answer: Lawd ha' murcy! I nee' ta git dis stuff togetha
and take it ta da Post office, and git me some insurance!

i) In any English word with a contraction, eliminate the apostrophe and any letters after it.
1) Is it alright if I rollerskate through the campus ?
English) Yes, it's alright
Ebonics) It OK
ii) In a word ending in "d," substitute "dt" or "oodt."
English) That's all very fine...
Ebonics) That all reeeal gooudt....
iii) In a word ending in "ore," eliminate everything after the first "o" and add an apostrophe.
English) I won't tell you again, please shut the door.
Ebonics) I ain tellin you no mo', shet de do' !!
iv) For suffixes with 2 identical consonants followed by "er," eliminate the "er."
English) That Negro was larger and was holding a pistol.
Ebonics) Mah nigga was bigga had his fingah on yo' trigga.
v) In general, most "er"s are dropped and replaced by "ah."
English) Tower of Power
Ebonics) Towah of Powah
vi) However, in the case of a plural, "ers" is replaced by "az."
English) Negroes
Ebonics) niggaz



  1. So, when does the 2nd month of pregnancy show up? I can't wait! the first one was such a thriller!! Gimme (oops - Give me) sumthin' (oops - something) fun to read, please! :)
    - Ptite

  2. Working on it. I take the weekends off. And I have a big meeting tomorrow, so today I should actually work... :(

  3. Fo shizzle, U kno dat's rite!

    Oh, just kidding. In all seriousness, I whole-heartedly concur with this blog (aaggh! --another example of ebonics?) - er, web log post.

    It can get annoying when you are trying to have a "regular" conversation with someone!